A Day of Reckoning

I had a brush with death when I was 18 then again when I was 19. As naive as I was and ignorant of who He was, I "made a deal" with God as well. I had a second chance so I wanted to live my life better, not to take any crazy risks. It wasn't till a few years later that I found Christ. Prior to when I was 19, I was comfortable just not knowing who God is and what happens when I die.

When I was 19 I started to look in the Bible, I kept reading from time to time until I was reading more and more. When I was 20 I took into consideration of God in the Bible. I fell in love with His word. The first book I read was Genesis up to the part about Noah and the Ark, then I put it down for a while. Later on I picked it up again and read Ecclesiastes. As I was reading I felt like God was reading my mind. Whenever my dad tried to share something of God to me I just ignored him. That worked for him, but I felt like it wasn't for me. But I saw the difference in him and my brother. I thought I could never get a long with them. I remember walking past the living room once while my parents were watching a program called InTouch with Charles Stanley. I was just passing by until I stopped by the corner of the wall when his message caught my attention. I don't remember what he was talking about but I remember that I finally heard about God's grace and love. This love part was a big shock. I wanted to know who this God was and the gospel drew my attention. I heard words like repent and surrender, but I hadn't really grasped the idea, because if anything didn't I owe something to Him? Don't I have to prove myself in the way I live my life? What did this mean to surrender?

I grew up with good morals and listening and respecting the Jewish people, especially through the eyes of my parents who got gifts from my mother's sister that she bought in Israel. I remember when I was a child watching Fiddler on the Roof, and when our whole family went on a long road trip through the United States listening to traditional Jewish folk music. As a teenager I called myself a Christian because that's what I thought I was spiritually. I believed that there was a God and an afterlife, but I never read the Bible. I called myself a Christian and had an idea of God but I was agnostic. I didn't really live like a Christian. So, I re-examined my life the morning after waking up at the hospital. Where was my life going? This isn't right. I felt shame and guilt for my life. God pierced my heart that night.

One night I came home in the middle of the night after drinking again with some friends. I came to the end of myself, I wanted to stop. I was 20 years old and I wanted to give up. I had so many dreams to look forward to, and so many things that meant a lot to me. But those were just things, what was most important to me was my very own soul. What was worth while under the sun? The answers to life's biggest questions were left unanswered within the naturalist world.
The media, tv, and material culture left all answers open to every person's imagination. To the post-modern world there was no real truth. "Truth is in the eye of the beholder." I didn't believe that. It sounded comforting but diluted. Truth is subjective? That is sheer lunacy! The mere fact that someone says that is on a disjointed discourse to collapsing any argument onto themselves. The post-modern world sees absolute truth as incognizable. I saw the world as it was--an insane asylum. Anything goes, and there are no consequences. There is no shame, and no guideline on which to live by. It's survival of the fittest, but people chose to live that way or not.
The intellectuals of the world have so many ideas, the psychologists have cognitive experiments but no solutions, but there were no answers to the affections of the heart. There was nothing in life that could erase my memory from shameful acts. I needed a saviour. I knew deep down that I needed assurance. I walked to the back yard and knelt down. I surrendered my life to Him. I asked Him to reveal Himself to me and if He was there, I'm willing to lie down my life for Him and follow Him.

A couple more years pass and I'm reading through the New Testament. I started at the Gospel of Luke. I was on my way to Finland to study International Business. It was September and school started. Boy, did I ever have fun meeting new people from around the world. I made so many friends. It was just a few weeks into the semester when I was listening to a radio program via the internet from the US called The Way of The Master Radio (which is now Wretched Radio). I had started listening to it at my job at the auto auction before I left Canada. I listened to this caller talk about his sin, and it was the same big sin I had. The host of the show told him that if he didn't stop it, it would kill him, spiritually. He then went through the law on the show many times and I finally understood what a sinner I was. I was looking into myself and thinking about all the sins that I had committed and especially the ones I would never tell anyone. But God knew them. My heart broke. The host explained about justification and sanctification, and that in Jesus alone I will conquer my sins. He also said that in Jesus alone, you must put your faith. Now is the day, and don't wait till it's too late, you don't know your last day on earth. I finally knew my relationship with God. It was made through Jesus on the cross. I saw my own heart before Jesus Christ. I admitted who I was and how sinful my heart is before Him.

The year after that I had struggled so much. God had convicted me in so many things. I was dating the wrong girl, then I felt like God was calling me to ministry, so I left Finland and I got baptised in my home town in Airdrie, Alberta. After that I ended the relationship with that girl, there was no relationship without Jesus in the centre. I spent the rest of the year figuring out what God wanted me to do. I applied to bible school in Calgary. I got accepted but there was a mix up on my application. The program that I had applied for was cancelled. So, since I was still enrolled in the business program in Finland, I just flew back to continue in that as Plan B.

Here I am now, finishing my first year in IB. I've been in touch with a friend in Brazil via a Christian networking site (No, I wasn't looking for a date). This past January I told her that I love her. I've prayed and prayed for someone like her, until God kinda nudged me and made me listen to my own words. "Like her?" I said, "It is her!" She was the answer to all my prayers. And now I'm in pursuit to be with her. I'm leaving to Canada this spring, then I'll fly down to Brazil for five weeks from June till July. When Jesus is at the centre, anything is possible!