When Husband and Wife Unite

I was recently studying on a question related to marriage. Going through my library, I came across, “The Christian Directory” by Richard Baxter. And man, what a great treasure he has left to the Church in the form of this book. Weighing in at 921 pages, this book seeks to apply Scripture and biblical wisdom to just about every conceivable situation one could imagine. This is not a book you read cover to cover, but one you consult regularly for insight on how to handle just about every imaginable situation in the church.

As I read through his discussion of the mutual duties of husbands and wives in marriage, I was struck by the beauty and simplicity of his directions: “Direct. IV. Husband and wife must take DELIGHT in the love, and company and conversation of each other.” (emphasis mine) The keyword here my brothers and sisters is “Delight” Baxter says that one of our duties to our spouse in marriage is make it our ambition to enjoy our spouses affection, friendship, and conversation. That means this advice is not a suggestion.

The aim is that by labouring to find pleasure in our spouse, we would find life-long pleasure in marriage before the Lord. So, what if I want to do this but it feels impossible or like it won’t be worth it!? Baxter is extremely practical. He starts by discussing the reasons why delighting in each other is so wise:

(Without quoting the old English exactly)

When husbands and wives strive to take pleasure in each other…

Masturbation and the Christian

Solo Sex Doesn't Fit The Biblical Pattern

Considering masturbation specifically, two things must be at the forefront: (1) because of our image-bearing, the Bible teaches sexual activity is reserved for marriage. It’s designed to be inherently relational, an aspect of deep knowing and intimacy with another, providing a context for the bearing and rearing of children. (2) In that context, the goal is giving wholly to the other, providing pleasure and joy in the deepest act of mutual vulnerability. This is particularly clear from 1 Corinthians 7:1–5, the only “how to” passage in the Bible prescribing sexual activity.

God designed sexuality to be like every other aspect of the Christian life: turning away from selfish desires to honor God with my body and use it to serve another. Sex in marriage should reflect the New Testament ethic in general. Describing discipleship, Jesus said, “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45 ESV). Much more than a proof text for the atonement, this is the culmination of Jesus’ teaching on what it means to follow Him.

Multiple passages proclaim the Christian life is freedom from living for self. We live foremost for Christ and secondarily to love and bless others (see Gal. 2:20; 2 Cor. 5:14–15; Phil. 2:3–4; 1 Pet. 4:1–5). Jesus promises only when we live according to this pattern do we truly find life. (All four Gospels include this teaching. See Matt. 10:39; Mark 8:35; Luke 9:24; and John 12:25.) Living for “self” guarantees that true life and peace will elude us. This is particularly true of our sexuality. Ephesians 4:17–19 gives a chilling assessment that living for our own sexual desires signifies a “turning away” from God, leading to ever-increasing depravity and sexual insatiability.

Read more at equip.org.