You have given up on the Word of God. You are wearing a parachute full of holes because you put on the trust of your own words to righteously save you. You cannot rely on your own righteousness to save you. If you know the Ten Commandments and say that you abide in them (Gal. 5:18), then you are a liar! You broke the first and second Law. You made God in your own image, making yourself happy in a God you choose. You believe in a God that is all good and will never make you sad or angry. You made a God you could never hate. That is a false God. One that does not exist! You are weak in faith and that is why you have fallen. You believed in what the world tells you and you defaced Jehovah from your life. God has given you Jesus of Nazareth, God in the flesh. You can believe him, or you can trust him. You never trusted him! And still you don't trust God, only to the way you want Him to be. You only believe there is a God, and THAT will not save you. That is why you fail to believe (to accept the scripture to be true, and to have confidence and faith in it). Only if one believes in something can one act purposefully. You fail to look into yourself. Look into the mirror! Everyone who is proud of themselves will not look at themselves in the mirror because they are afraid of what they will see in themselves, who they really are, and the condemnation of God they don't want to face; the truth of themselves.
I say to you, don't look back to your faults and transgressions in case you become with your sin. Look forward to what you can be with God. Look at what you will become if you allow Him to burn within you. Some people are baptized with the Holy Spirit but fail to let God baptize them with the flame. Burn in His fire and become the person He wants you to be. Then, others will praise you for your strength in Him, and you will not fear any man. You will be a bearer of good fruit!
If you call yourself a Christian, first look a the 9 fruits of the Spirit a Christian should bear. If not, you are not a Christian! (Galations 5:16-26)
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.