Teaching Children Self-Discipline

Remove All Pleasures Temporarily ("You're Grounded")

Just because a child is well-behaved, it doesn’t necessarily mean he has self-discipline. Self-disciplined kids can choose to refrain from immediate gratification. They can make good choices regardless of how they feel.

Kids who have self-discipline can cope with uncomfortable emotions in a healthy way. They’ve learned anger management skills and are able to control impulsive behaviour. They can respond respectfully when adults correct them and they can take responsibility for their behaviour.

The more self-disciplined your child becomes, the less discipline he'll need from you. When your child accepts responsibility for their own behaviour, you won't need to use as many negative consequences. Instead, you'll be able to focus on teaching your child new skills and building a healthy relationship.

Build Structure

Create a similar schedule every day and your child will get used to the routine. When they know what they are supposed to be doing, they will be less likely to get derailed by other activities.

A good morning routine helps kids know when it's time to eat breakfast, comb their hair, brush their teeth, and get dressed. A good after-school routine teaches kids how to divide their time between chores, homework, and fun activities. And a consistent bedtime routine will help kids settle down and fall asleep faster.

Keep your child's routines simple. With practice, your child will learn to implement the routine without your assistance.

Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

This goes in with removing all pleasures. The definition of discipline is making yourself do something when you could be doing something more pleasant. In other words, per the classic study, instead of taking one marshmallow now, if you can restrain yourself, you’ll get two later.

It's okay being bored. Boredom encourages imagination and creativity. When children are left to their own devices, they're forced to be more creative and imaginative. Children need to learn to take initiative and think of ways to occupy themselves that are not dictated by someone else.

Don't Self-Pity

Teach your child not to self-pity so that they don't suffer as an adult in the future always beating themselves up every time they fail. Instead they should focus their attention on God. Help them understand the importance of confessing their sins to God first and then to their parents.

In addition to avoiding the negative effects of unconfessed sin, biblical confession is a way to experience more of God’s grace. Biblical confession should be a joy, in some ways, due to the rich benefits God gives us through it.

1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

This does not mean that God will forgive a sin only if it has been specifically confessed. Teach them to ask God to help with the guidance of His Holy Spirit.